Feb 23

Really?? This month is just about over and I feel heartbroken. Right now we face the unknown. It feels like we have been asking the unknown questions for quite some time. Not knowing if we get to go home anytime soon, or are they keeping us until her surgery. I am somewhat of a planner, or I like to think I am. I like organization (even though my house doesnt show it) and I like details. Haley is always keeping us guessing. When, how, what's next? She is not like any other child. She defies the odds of this and that, and she also throws things in to the loop that no one saw coming. Her fate of coming home depends on her getting off the milrinone, and she cant do that until she is finished going crazy with her lungs. We are very relieved that she doesnt face a trach right now. She is still very fragile when it comes to her lungs though. With her we have to take one step at a time, and remind the doctors to do that as well. My SIL's birthday is just 2 days away and I need to order presents for her. This month has flown by. I am really fighting with moments of utter depression, well in my own little world it feels like that. I feel like screaming, crying, and I thank God that He still loves me in spite of my weaknesses. I cant make everything right like a mother should be able to. I cant wave a magic wand and make her instantly better. I have to trust God, in His own timing. Haley is such a miracle! I am thankful that she is stil alive, while other mothers are suffering loss. I cant even imagine the daily/constant ache they have. One thing I have learned from this whole experience is treausre the moments you have.